Summer Study

Tomorrow I am starting the Good Morning Girls bible study on the book by Jennie Allen called "Anything."  I read this book a year ago and loved it and am excited to read it again, along with pre-planned scripture reading, to get really deep into it.

If you are interested in joining in, here is the link:

http://www.goodmorninggirls.org/

I am excited to spend this summer getting deeper into God's word and discovering His plans for my life, for my family's life.

In Memory of Lucky

Last Saturday on September 15th we put our beloved dog Lucky down.  We got Lucky when we first moved to Murrieta 7 year ago.  I had just started teaching at Calvary Chapel Christian School and another teacher put out an email with a picture of this cute Jack Russel Terrier asking if anyone would like to have him.  I immediately called Andy and we told her that we would love to have him.  He has been the best dog we have ever had.  He absolutely loved us both right from the start.  We have been through multiple moves with him and he always adjusted easily.  With every child we brought into the home, he was at first suspicious but then very loving.  Our cat Sundae and him took a few weeks to get acquainted and became friends quickly after.  She would slide up to him and lick his fur.  He seriously would look at her like she was crazy but let her do it anyways. 

He was our scrappy dog.  He loved table scraps and any food the kids would drop for him.  When we lived in Temecula we hung out a lot at our neighbors house and he would come and eat all the scraps off their floor too!  Sometimes they would even call us and ask if Lucky could come over and clean their floor!  He got into chocolate more than once and thankfully never had an adverse reaction.  If there was any food out his little sniffer would find it and eat it. 

He hated and loved baths.  The actual bath he looked miserable but as soon as you dried him with the towel he would get this huge burst of energy and start running like a crazy dog! It was awesome!!  We would yell, "Go Lucky Go!" and he would take off.  The kids and all of us would fall over laughing. 

He also loved to roll around in dirt.  (which coincidentally led to more baths).  Over and over again he would show up at the back door covered in dirt and with this huge happy grin. 

He was our little guard dog.  Every time we would open the front door he would bark.  Anytime someone rang the bell he would bark.  It was annoying at times but I always appreciated that he was looking out for us.  He never ever bit anyone or was aggressive.  Many people were scared of his bark though. 

He slept in our bed for years.  He was so small that he would fit right between Andy and I.  In the early years he would even crawl under the covers all the way to the bottom of the bed and then halfway through the night he would crawl out panting because he was so hot.  It was funny because he'd do it all over again the next night.  In the past few years he started sleeping in the kids rooms on their beds.  They loved it of course. 

A few weeks ago Lucky started having trouble holding his urine.  Andy was putting him out sometimes three times a night.  Then he started peeing blood.  We took him to the Vet and they said it was either Bladder Cancer or Bladder Stones, both of which are life threatening.  We waited a little bit but he was getting weaker and weaker and bleeding more and more.  It was such a horrible time because we love him so much and didn't want to see him in pain but we knew we would miss him so much.  We made the decision to put him down and then bury him in my parents backyard (next to their cat Coal who had just a passed away a month ago, they were buddies too).  We got a really special little grave marker and said our goodbyes.  We will always miss Lucky.  I hope and pray he is now healthy and running around Heaven. 

Just what I needed to hear

Just read this blog post and it was just what I needed to hear regarding yesterday's post.

Maybe it will encourage you too!

http://www.thebettermom.com/2012/05/i-cant-do-this/

Disappointing God

I have been an emotional mess this week. I don't know what is going on with me.  There has been some stress at my husband's job and the transition of my daughter starting school but that is not what has me in tears.

I sometimes feel like I disappoint God.  Like a naughty child who can't seem to follow directions or see right from wrong, I feel like God is looking down at me saying, "oh, Jamie, not again."  I mess up a lot.  Sinful thoughts, sinful actions.  I want to honor God with my life but I find myself choosing to do the wrong things over and over.  I am stuck in a pattern of sin and struggling to get out of it.  I know I am not alone.  No one is perfect,  not even close.  When you accept God into your heart magic fairy dust does not fall on your head and prevent you from ever sinning again.  It is truly a daily and sometimes moment by moment decision to choose to do the right thing.

I have kids.  Three of them.  Sometimes they act like perfect little angels and sometimes like perfect little devils.  I love them when they are angels and I love them when they are devils. I try to help them stay on the angelic side but it is pretty much impossible to accomplish one hundred percent of the time.  I think that God loves me in a similar way.  His love for me is not dependent on how "good" I am.  Of course he wants me to choose the good things and act in a way that honors him but he doesn't love me any less when I mess up (even over and over again).

I get so tired of messing up though.  I am so thankful that He is more patient with me than I am with myself.  I  often find it is easier to accept God's forgiveness than it is to accept my own. I have to forgive myself too.  Will I ever be healed of my sins if I continue to be hard on myself?  I have to let it go, move forward, accept when I fall, pick myself up and move forward again.

Philippians 3:12-14 says, "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ has made me His own.  Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own.  But one thing I do:  forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Forget what happened in the past.  When I ask for forgiveness I need to then forget that sin and change my focus.  Focus on what is ahead, a life without that sin.  Visualize it. Plan for it.  Move ahead without looking back, and then what God has planned will be made known.

Because God cares so much about us, I believe He can be disappointed with us.  But His love for us never changes, and for that I am very thankful.

The Journey begins

This week my Sunny Girl is going to be starting Kindergarten!  I am experiencing a mix of emotions.  I am so excited for her to learn new things, especially the joy of reading!!! There are so many fun adventures in books!  I'm also just happy to see her growing up and growing in her knowledge of God.  The Kindergarten she is going to is only a 1/2 day program thankfully so she won't be gone too long each day.  I really debated about putting her in public school versus homeschooling her.  If I didn't have Sporty Boy and Sweet Baby my definite choice would be to homeschool her.  I am a former teacher and I miss it so much some days but with 2 attention needing little one's I just don't have the time or energy to do it right now.  We are going to take it a year at a time in our school decisions for our kids.  This year I am going to supplement her public school education with a bible curriculum we can do at home to continue her character building and bible study.

Stepping out in faith is something God calls us to do often to keep our faith strong. It may be stepping out into the unknowns of public school or stepping out into the unknowns of homeschool but when you don't know what the future holds it takes faith to keep moving.

"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it." From "We Bought a Zoo" 

**Addendum**
Today I went to see what class Sunny Girl is in and found out that the school put her into First Grade instead of kindergarten.  She is 6 years old so we debated whether to put her into K or 1st.  Last year she did Kindergarten the first semester and then PreK the second semester.  Instead of fighting it, we are going to go with it and see how she does.  If it turns out to be too difficult than I will pull her out of the school and homeschool her the rest of the year.  But she might do amazing, so we are going to give her that chance.   Once again stepping out in to the unknown.  God knew this was going to happen so let's see what His plans are going to be! :)

Surrendered

I did it, I prayed the prayer that I have been afraid to pray.  Anything.  I told God simply and plainly that my life is His to do anything He wants with and that I am open and willing to go anywhere and do anything He wants me to do.  I want my life to be His completely, surrendering all of my ideas of what I want for my life to Him so that He can write my story.  Of course my heart and mind are filled with wonder, what will God call me to do?  Anything is possible! It's both scary and exciting!

So this morning I woke up in anticipation, what part of my life is God going to want me to change first?  Adopt more kids?  Move? Do a type of ministry?  Reach out to someone in need? My heart is ready and bursting to see God move through my life and my family.  But instead of a bold new direction I felt God whisper something to me.  Stop complaining.  What was that Lord? Stop complaining.  Oh.....

It is true that I complain. A lot.  Probably more than I am even aware of.  This morning my baby boy woke me up at 5:30 and as I sat in the rocking chair I grumbled to myself about how tired I am, how I miss sleeping in, etc.  Later God convicted me. I should have been sitting there thanking God for this beautiful baby that I am blessed to be caring for instead of complaining about sleep.

It's not surprising when I think about it.  God is all about our character, our heart, our intentions.  He is going to have to start changing my heart before he starts changing my circumstances.

Phillipians 2:14 "Do all things without grumbling or questioning."  Let's take this one step at at time :)

Anything

There is an old Steven Curtis Chapman song that sings "There is more to this life, than living and dying, trying to make it through the day..."  That song runs through my mind at least once a week.  It is a reminder to me that this life that I am living here is short, temporary, a breath.  It has gone by so fast already and I know it will continue to speed on.  I am consistently convicted by what I am doing with this life that God had given me.  Am I living it for Him, for His glory, or for myself and my own glory?

I am reading a really challenging book called "Anything" by Jennie Allen and I love and hate how much it is challenging me.  It sat on my coffee table for a month before I began reading because I just had a feeling it was going to push me out of my comfort zone.  Lately I have been way too comfortable in my Christian faith.  Just going through the motions.  I have been feeling that longing, that desire for something more.  I want Christ to feel alive in me, I want to feel like He is working in and through me.  More than anything, like a child wanting to make her daddy proud, I want God to be proud of me.  I want my life to count for something.  In the book she talks about living this life for that one moment, that first unforgettable moment, when you will see Jesus face to face.  That moment is coming.  It could be today or it could be in fifty years but it is coming.  I want to feel nothing but pure JOY and to know in my heart that I lived this life on earth that He gave me to honor Him.  The book is about opening up your heart and life to him in the most drastic way possible by saying Anything Lord.  That He can do ANYthing with your life, he can take anything, he can change anything, he can shape your life into Anything that He feels is best.  I have not yet prayed that prayer.  To be honest, I am just not there yet.  I sooo want to be but I am still holding on to many fears of the unknown that are crippling my trust.

Jennie says, "We press through the doubt and fears and we trust because God is trustworthy, and he know how life is best lived.  The more we jump and see our God come alive around us, the more we jump without fear--and the bigger the cliffs get."  The more you jump when God asks you to, the less scary that jump is and so then he will give you higher cliffs to jump, bigger challenges because He draws us close to him through these risks that we take.  With each page of this book I am getting more and more excited about God and what He wants to do in my life.  I hope to say Anything to Him soon.  Have any of you said Anything to him?? All I know is that to those that do, their lives are never the same.