Friday, August 31, 2012

Just what I needed to hear

Just read this blog post and it was just what I needed to hear regarding yesterday's post.

Maybe it will encourage you too!

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Disappointing God

I have been an emotional mess this week. I don't know what is going on with me.  There has been some stress at my husband's job and the transition of my daughter starting school but that is not what has me in tears.

I sometimes feel like I disappoint God.  Like a naughty child who can't seem to follow directions or see right from wrong, I feel like God is looking down at me saying, "oh, Jamie, not again."  I mess up a lot.  Sinful thoughts, sinful actions.  I want to honor God with my life but I find myself choosing to do the wrong things over and over.  I am stuck in a pattern of sin and struggling to get out of it.  I know I am not alone.  No one is perfect,  not even close.  When you accept God into your heart magic fairy dust does not fall on your head and prevent you from ever sinning again.  It is truly a daily and sometimes moment by moment decision to choose to do the right thing.

I have kids.  Three of them.  Sometimes they act like perfect little angels and sometimes like perfect little devils.  I love them when they are angels and I love them when they are devils. I try to help them stay on the angelic side but it is pretty much impossible to accomplish one hundred percent of the time.  I think that God loves me in a similar way.  His love for me is not dependent on how "good" I am.  Of course he wants me to choose the good things and act in a way that honors him but he doesn't love me any less when I mess up (even over and over again).

I get so tired of messing up though.  I am so thankful that He is more patient with me than I am with myself.  I  often find it is easier to accept God's forgiveness than it is to accept my own. I have to forgive myself too.  Will I ever be healed of my sins if I continue to be hard on myself?  I have to let it go, move forward, accept when I fall, pick myself up and move forward again.

Philippians 3:12-14 says, "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ has made me His own.  Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own.  But one thing I do:  forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Forget what happened in the past.  When I ask for forgiveness I need to then forget that sin and change my focus.  Focus on what is ahead, a life without that sin.  Visualize it. Plan for it.  Move ahead without looking back, and then what God has planned will be made known.

Because God cares so much about us, I believe He can be disappointed with us.  But His love for us never changes, and for that I am very thankful.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

The Journey begins

This week my Sunny Girl is going to be starting Kindergarten!  I am experiencing a mix of emotions.  I am so excited for her to learn new things, especially the joy of reading!!! There are so many fun adventures in books!  I'm also just happy to see her growing up and growing in her knowledge of God.  The Kindergarten she is going to is only a 1/2 day program thankfully so she won't be gone too long each day.  I really debated about putting her in public school versus homeschooling her.  If I didn't have Sporty Boy and Sweet Baby my definite choice would be to homeschool her.  I am a former teacher and I miss it so much some days but with 2 attention needing little one's I just don't have the time or energy to do it right now.  We are going to take it a year at a time in our school decisions for our kids.  This year I am going to supplement her public school education with a bible curriculum we can do at home to continue her character building and bible study.

Stepping out in faith is something God calls us to do often to keep our faith strong. It may be stepping out into the unknowns of public school or stepping out into the unknowns of homeschool but when you don't know what the future holds it takes faith to keep moving.

"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it." From "We Bought a Zoo" 

Today I went to see what class Sunny Girl is in and found out that the school put her into First Grade instead of kindergarten.  She is 6 years old so we debated whether to put her into K or 1st.  Last year she did Kindergarten the first semester and then PreK the second semester.  Instead of fighting it, we are going to go with it and see how she does.  If it turns out to be too difficult than I will pull her out of the school and homeschool her the rest of the year.  But she might do amazing, so we are going to give her that chance.   Once again stepping out in to the unknown.  God knew this was going to happen so let's see what His plans are going to be! :)

Friday, August 3, 2012


I did it, I prayed the prayer that I have been afraid to pray.  Anything.  I told God simply and plainly that my life is His to do anything He wants with and that I am open and willing to go anywhere and do anything He wants me to do.  I want my life to be His completely, surrendering all of my ideas of what I want for my life to Him so that He can write my story.  Of course my heart and mind are filled with wonder, what will God call me to do?  Anything is possible! It's both scary and exciting!

So this morning I woke up in anticipation, what part of my life is God going to want me to change first?  Adopt more kids?  Move? Do a type of ministry?  Reach out to someone in need? My heart is ready and bursting to see God move through my life and my family.  But instead of a bold new direction I felt God whisper something to me.  Stop complaining.  What was that Lord? Stop complaining.  Oh.....

It is true that I complain. A lot.  Probably more than I am even aware of.  This morning my baby boy woke me up at 5:30 and as I sat in the rocking chair I grumbled to myself about how tired I am, how I miss sleeping in, etc.  Later God convicted me. I should have been sitting there thanking God for this beautiful baby that I am blessed to be caring for instead of complaining about sleep.

It's not surprising when I think about it.  God is all about our character, our heart, our intentions.  He is going to have to start changing my heart before he starts changing my circumstances.

Phillipians 2:14 "Do all things without grumbling or questioning."  Let's take this one step at at time :)