Friday, September 25, 2015

A Long Journey

One week from today we are going to be adopting our fourth child.  I still can't believe it.  But let me back up a bit.

In January of 2004 God brought us our first child.  She was the most precious 6 month old girl.  The first time we met her I fell in love at first sight.  I can't explain it, how it felt, it was the best feeling in the world.  She was stinky, caked in baby powder because her foster family hadn't washed her in a while. She had on a pink fleece jacket and pants that was clearly a hand me down of a hand me down. She has on these tiny yellow construction boots.  But she had these big beautiful brown eyes that just were searching and waiting for love and I knew I would love her forever.  Two years later, after a lot of paperwork and visits and court dates, we adopted her.

Over the next couple years we adopted two more boys and as a family of three we were very happy and content.  That was last year, 2014.  We adopted our son that July and when we signed adoption papers they ask if you want to be informed of any future siblings.  This doesn't mean you have to take them or adopt them, but it means you get the first call.  My husband leaned towards saying No, but my heart said Yes.  I didn't think we wanted a fourth child but I rationalized that I just wanted to know if one was born.  Didn't think about it again after that until...

October 2014 brought that phone call.  The full biological brother of our youngest son had been born two days ago and they wanted to know if we were interested in fostering him.  They gave us two hours to decide.  No joke.  I called my husband and he didn't answer. So I texted him 911 and he called me right back.  We agreed to take an hour to ourselves to pray about it and then talk about it.  After a half hour my husband called me and we agreed that our hearts were 100% saying YES!

Of course a few weeks before that call we had sold ALL of our baby stuff! Crib and all!  The baby was in the NICU for 1 week so that gave us a little time to try to gather all the baby supplies we knew we'd need.  No baby shower.  No fancy new nursery.  We had a bassinette I grabbed for $25 from Target, a couple boxes of diapers and wipes, and some sleepers and bottles.  Our family chipped in and I found some stuff on the facebook exchanges. It was a whirlwind.  On Halloween we got to visit him in the hospital and hold him and take pictures.  It was our first meeting and I will never, ever, ever, forget it.  I felt the exact same way that I felt when I met my first child.  My heart broke open and I promised this little being I would love him forever.  I never imagined as a foster adopt mother that I could love my children so much, as if they are from my own flesh.

So one week from today, our family will be complete.  Our adoption of our fourth angel will be complete and I will never have to fear losing my children again.  Except to the world of course, but that is what prayer is for.  This time we signed the sheet saying we do not want to know if another sibling is born, we just can't.  We do not have the capacity to say no and God knows our hands are full right now.  But we are thankful.  We are blessed.  Thank you God for my infertility, so that I could have the blessing of being these four's mom.  I wouldn't want it any other way.

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